Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Asexual and Proud

Thanks to V, one of the members from our Book Club who forwarded this interesting article from to us on asexuals. Check out the entire article here, but you may have to get a free pass to view an advertisement to get to the article.

According to the article “A growing number of so-called asexuals insist that their indifference toward sex isn't a pathology, but an "orientation" like being gay. But some experts say that instead of comforting themselves with a label, "amoebas" should seek help.”

Oriented to be indifferent towards sex, yikes, Kama knows that we horny Indians could use some of these asexuals amongst the 1 billion of our ilk, to say the least. Also check out this impressive essay by Vikram Sequeira about sexuality in India and sexual behavior in modern India. It makes for an extremely interesting reading. But before we get to that, oriented to be asexual is something that I don’t get. Growing up either with little peepee’s or wee-wee, the curiosity to check out the tools of the “other” team is innate, even as toddlers. This captivation only enhances with age, of course there are exception cases who prefer the package of someone on the “same” team or as in the case of the likes of Michel Jackson’s who retain their lifelong fascination for peepee’s of little boys, but barring these minorities the rest of us only propagate this curiosity. One couldn’t quite get enough sex growing up, at least for the likes of unathletic, unassuming, quiet, geeky types.

The article further accentuates

What does it mean, exactly, to be "asexual"? If you're a sea anemone, it means you reproduce without the union of male and female gametes. If you're human, it means, essentially, that you experience no sexual attraction to either males or females. Generally, you're not so much freaked out by sex as you are entirely neutral to it, if not a little puzzled by what all the fuss is about. "When someone brings up sex, I start thinking, 'I need to replace that light fixture, or I could take a nice hot bath, make myself a sandwich and pop "The Way We Were" into the VCR; I haven't watched that in a long time,'" says Debbie, 47, a self-described asexual who works in sales in northern Wisconsin and preferred not to use her last name to protect her privacy. "Sex is just not high on my list of priorities."

Pop “Way we Were” into the VCR in lieu of sex??? If there is something that Debbie aint getting, my guess is its enough popping. And I don’t mean cassettes into the VCR kind. Despite having the sex education classes tutored to us by a Mallu Jesuit brother during our early adolescent formative teen years, we turned out ok, i.e. sexually. He would go “Just watch how the beezee bumbble bee moves towards the Bollen (Pollen). And just see how its antennas are standing yerect. Oooooo, watch how he bumbble bee sucks the negtaar from the flower. Yesssss” And on and on with bumble bees, bollen, mating and masturbating. Almost turning us into asexuals. During a study of John Miltons “Paradise Lost” in school, the subtleties of metaphors and euphemisms of the poem were lost upon the truly naive and truly innocent yours truly, which led to a lengthy and heated argument with the frazzled English teacher about where’s the sin in chomping of an apple, albeit palmed off by a shady slithery snake to an unsuspecting Eve. The teacher was going red, blue and pink during the course of this argument, having failed to explain how exactly did Adam and Eve sin, when one of the high priests of street smart, seated at the backbenches of the classroom yelled out “They did it, dumbass”, did the lights finally come on upstairs, thus the revelation of the Original Sin.

Oh, and how we salivated as teenagers looking at Bo Derek, the movie posters plastered all around the city i.e. Too young to be allowed into the movie theatre for this adult affair, we had to resort to our imaginations for all of Bo’s munificent glory. The trick was to avoid being caught while imagining!

In this day and age with sex, Viagars, Madonnas and Paris Hilton’s all around us, its truly startling to learn of existence of the ultimate renouncers viz. Asexuals. Maybe this is how the dinosaurs truly became extinct. One fine day, Barney, the curiously quaint dinosaur must have declared himself asexual, thereby starting a cult and a following amongst young baby dinosaurs. He must have been on TV, day and night, teaching them to hop, skip and jump instead of the salacious but always enjoyable, bumping and grinding. Hop, skip and jump must have caught on whereas bumping and grinding was relegated only to the bunnies and lo and behold, POOF, the dinosaurs disappeared from the face of earth. But in the case of mankind it may be a tad difficult, I reckon. As long as there are 2 billion randy Indians and Chinese around blissfully bonking away, maybe not with each other, mankind could be safe from extinction. Asexuals, metrosexuals, homosexuals, hydrosexuals, hetronormative blah blah blah hogwash all…this too shall pass. A throbbing libido beckons, let the good times roll.


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